So somewhere along the course of the bank holiday, the bog blocks up. These bogs in my complex have fairly narrow pipes, and with the double thick ultra, they can clog fairly easily. It's possible I'm too liberal with the bog roll.
Normally you can clear the blockage by lots of flushing. What happens is the weight of the water pushes the blockage away, and your sitting pretty. On the one occasion previously this didn't work, I tried using a coat hanger to clear the blockage. This too didn't work. So I bought stuff from B&Q which is some granulated chemical*, and your pour some of it in the blocked train, and it bubbles for a bit and then it clears the drain.
So I got out the B&Q chemical. Pour. Bubble. Noxious Gas. Flush. Bog fills to the brim with water.
Eventually (like 2-3 hours) the water recedes slowly to a normal level and I repeat. same result. So time for plan B (buy a plunger).
It's handy living opposite a B&Q, as it means you don't need to buy stuff still you need it. It's not so handy in that you cna never find shit at B&Q and when you find it they normally don't have what you are looking for, say, a plunger.
So instead a buy a 6ft spring that is meant to be able to coil through all the pipes and push out blockages. Did it fuck. It just got the first bend and banged against it and stopped moving.
Next stop the Homebase opposite the B&Q opposite me. Also, no plungers in stick. They do have a power plunger, which is a plunger with a whole into it, attached to a canister type thing and pump. The idea being that as you pump it sucks water into the canister and then forces this water back into the pipe which removes the blockage. Does it fuck.
What it does is pull back all the shit and toilet paper back into the bog, but not much else. So now I have a soggy mess of paper mache from the toilet paper in the bowl and the water turning an unpleasant colour but not much else. So I pour more granulated solution in, which as least disinfects and head of to the Homebase a 5 minute walk down the road.
This Homebase does have plungers, so I buy normal plunger and a power plumber. The power plumber "clears drains instantly! - doesn't harm sound plumbing" is a gas canister attached to a plunger head. The gas interacts with water to "set up a standing wave which clears drains up to 20 meters away by agitation, not pressure". The thing is, the gas has two directions to go. One is the blockage (which I am now thinking might as well be a brick wall) or, back at me. It chose back.
So 5 minutes later, I'm standing there, partly covered, as is my bathroom in toilet paper mache. But still with a blocked toilet. Also I am finding the granulated chemicals in the water starting to itch (it burns, it burns).
I ask David (nice South African guy from Durban, does great work) the painter who is sanding and varnishing my balcony if he knows a plumber. He says he will give it a try, but finds as did I, that my multitude of plunging devices quite useless. So he calls his plumber mate who tells him to use a mop. Like an ordinary floor mop, with like long tassels attaches to it.
I don't believe this will work for a minute so I watch a bit of Friday night with Jonathan Ross. Eventually I go back down to the B&Q and buy a £3 mop and a £4 small plunger on the theory that maybe the small plunger will work better. David arrives back from doing my next door neighbours balcony and says he'll give the mop a try.
David plunges away a bit with the mop, and it aint looking any better. I go downstairs to find out if the flat below me has the same problem, but they are not in. I come back upstairs and I have a working toilet .£40 worth of plungerage could not do what a £3 mop could.
David wouldn't even accept money for fixing the bog, saying I had spent enough on ridiculous plungerage already, even though a plumber would have charged me a stupid amount of money to do the same.
Now I just have a flat smelling of disinfectant.
* Which may or may not be caustic soda, I'm just guessing at that because it sounds right.
1. graybo
…must…resist…obvious….
Can we see a picture of your plunger?
….snigger…he said "plunger".. heheheh
2. Gordon
Plumbing the depths a bit…
3. Coop
You see - what I would have done is to not spend 40 quid on the bog, and simply get a key cut for next door and just use theirs. Surely much cheaper.
4. Adam
haha. I found your site via google. First article I readn its put a huge smile on my face!
cheers! :D
5. Dad
If memory serves me correctly you were forever blocking the bog at home by using excessive amounts of toilet paper.
6. Adrian
Daaaaaadd …. shhhh. You’re gonnna embarress me.
7. Ian
At least I know who to ask next time I need a plunger. Or a mini-plunger. Or a power-plunger.
8. soubriquet
HA ha hahahaaaa!!! I came here from Scrunchies That thread on scrunching vs folding. That’s been funny. Questions. (wearing my plumber hat, not my blogger one..) Do you live in Britain? If so, and assuming your domicile to be post-victorian, then the bogpipe is 4” alias 100mm diameter. If it’s put together properly it works fine. I mean, any doobry deposited within has come out of a hole rather smaller than 4”. Scrunched or folded, toilet paper disintegrates rapidly in water. Only a thoroughly abnormal amonut of paper could ever cause a blockage. It seems this problem is not new. So the plumber head says there’s an obstruction down there which occasionally causes a problem. Favourites are. Those stupid deodorant things that clip over the edge of the bog.. If I had a pound for every one of those I’ve retrieved from pipely depths. Oh, of course, many pounds. Then, um.Products bought by ladies, made of cottonwool and string. And other things with sticky backing. also ladies for the use of. Nappies. plastic toys. teddy bears.wallets and purses. items of clothing. J-cloths and similar cleaning wipes. It virtually never happens that poo and paper are the cause. But if they don’t disappear with the flush, they’re the symptom. I’d suggest if this carries on being a problem, you may need to investigate further. I’d stick a camera down it. But that’s a specialist piece of kit and not cheap. Check with your neighbours if they have a problem. Shared drains means shared costs. As for B&Q stuff to pour down it, we use 98% concentrated sulphuric acid. It’s dangerous. And it occasionally works. In my experience, all the tins and bottles sold by diy stores are ineffective at unblocking pipes. Best plunger is a single drain rod, with a six inch rubber disc on the end. Ask your local builders merchant for one. And that power plumber thing. It does one of two things. It either blows the contents of the toilet or sink back at you, or it blows the pipe joints apart somewhere else and causes a stinky flood. There really is a good reason why plumbers still exist.
9. Adrian
I’m in Britain, but it is a new build.
And trust me it was only bog roll. Nothing else. See Dad’s comment for referance.
10. soubriquet
Your Dad is probably delighted you’ve left then, and now finds the toilet rolls last for more than one day. I think you now need to disclose approximately how many metres of toilet roll you consider appropriate per average wipe.